TylerHauser

A Little Gloomy

My each day seems set on making me see and understand this. I lament the time when I could get up at noon and plan for nothing but riding my bicycle or building a fort all day; doing the things that made me happy, not working for some faceless corporation carrying out its every bidding for 9 to 11 hours of my day.

It seems I’ve something left to learn from this torture as I can never seem to pull out of it… Though I’m sure it’s for lack of trying. As I’ve said and demonstrated many times before, I am a lazy person. I have no problem calling it an affliction; I am a slave to its temperament. I have my days when I can manage to break free from its grasp and pour myself into the things I love rather than mindlessly sucking comfort and fulfilment from the things around me. But those feel few and far between.

Most days, I elect to sit dispassionately in front of my television, clumsily including myself in the business of false familiars; laughing when they laugh, crying when they cry, hurting when they hurt. It’s autopilot for the terminally distracted and indifferent. This is just one of many ways I keep myself trudging through the days, blindly hoping for better things.

However, to be fair — not only to myself, but to those around me — this isn’t a permanent state of mind. I experience joy and silliness on a day to day basis. There are simply those times when gloominess is the most comfortable blanket in the house. We get bored. We get dreary. We are an ocean, slave to the ebb and flow of flimsy sentiment.

But it seems there’s always a balance of sorts, existing outside our perception, that we need to remind ourselves of in order to keep our sanity in check; this balance of human emotion that allows us to actually leave the house and participate in the world.

I am fond of this balance.